5 Holiday Lessons from Bob Hammer

Waking up when it was still dark out on Christmas morning, Bob and I would creep downstairs and open our stockings together. Taking sinful bites of chocolate before breakfast, we put on new wool socks and pajamas while we waited impatiently for our oldest brother to emerge from his darkened room at his own infuriating leisure. Year after year, we spent our Christmas mornings together in the dark and this ritual marked this holiday more than any other when I was a kid.

Christmas is built on expectations and wants. Unwrapping presents is an act of hope with your brain concocting what you’ll find in boxes before your eyes reveal that you didn’t get what you wanted. Often disappointment when I didn’t get the perfect gifts, I observed that Bob, who has asked for batman toys and a walkman every year for the last 30 years, cares more about the ritual than what he receives. For him, Christmas means putting up a tree and decorating it carefully, eating delicious food with his family and making sure we put out chocolate chip cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas Eve. And, hopefully, a few cassette tapes or CDs.

Holden’s first Christmas changed the holiday for me. I was more excited to watch him observe a tree inside covered in lights surrounded by his family. My own gifts were unimportant and I realized I had finally learned to embrace this day like Bob. There are a few key ways Bob acts as a Christmas guide—like a magical winter elf reminding us all to be less concerned with the material stuff and more excited about this curious time of year when we gather with our families to enact our own traditions and rituals.

Lesson 1: Bob is grateful. He wakes up absolutely gleeful on Christmas morning because he knows this day is magical and mythical. Bob doesn’t question whether or not Santa is real, because the symbol of Christmas and Santa—of magic, joy and gifts—is alive and well in Bob’s unwavering heart.

Lesson 2: Bob helps out willingly and takes direction. He helps clean up after meals and unload the dishwasher. He takes out the recycling and fills up glasses of water for everyone. Part of his joy is helping out and it doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas or any other day of the year; Bob is there to help you clean up the mess when you need him.

Lesson 3: Bob doesn’t have his own agenda. His energy doesn’t take up space. He is able to go with the flow and his wants and needs don’t overwhelm the room. The holidays can be joyful, but they can also be stressful. Bob is a good example of consistency. He doesn’t vacillate between highs and lows, he occasionally takes breaks to listen to music on his own so he can have some space and when he comes back he’s refreshed and present. Perhaps this type of consistent, even energy is the hardest and most important lesson we can learn.

Lesson 4: Bob doesn’t care about excess. He likes receiving gifts that he’ll use and value but he doesn’t count how many gifts he receives. For as long as I can remember, Bob would open a gift and play with it for the rest of Christmas without worrying about any of his other presents. His favorite job on Christmas is to get gifts from under the tree and deliver them to the receiver and take part in their joy.

Lesson 5: Bob appreciates the rhythm and predictability of Christmas. He knows the traditions and his desire for consistency brings a sense of ease and simplicity to this day that can get lost and smothered in waste and emotions, materials and family tension. Bob has kept the spirit of Christmas alive for me my whole life and acts as my guide on this day as Holden learns our traditions and values. He is an authentic Christmas symbol in a world that needs more of us to treat each other with genuine care and remember that the magic of Christmas is not in the boxes under the tree, it is in how we treat each other and spend our time.