6 Essentials for Baby #2: An Updated List
Did you have your first baby and then think, OK, I know exactly what I need for the next kid? In a previous post (Newborn Essentials) I pared down all the baby gear to what I actually used with my first son.
But, then my second baby arrived and while so many of the essentials overlap (like you still need diapers, obviously) a few changed. This time, for example, I didn’t use the Haakaa pump and learned that it can exacerbate oversupply issues (something I already struggle with. This article outlines when and how to use the Haakaa pump).
Gigi in the basket while Bob folds all the laundry.
When Holden, now 3-years-old, was a newborn, I often placed him in a Moses basket on a rocker stand to sleep when I was downstairs doing something romantic and aspirational like making sourdough bread. When I tried to put Otto in there, Holden “helped” rock Otto, which only actually helped to wake Otto up way sooner than anyone hoped.
The basket became the home to Holden’s toys or an occasional cat and we ended up storing it much to the cats’ dismay. We did use this super handy baby seat rocker for a few months when Otto was an infant. We strapped him in there when we needed free hands and he liked watching us eat or make food. Otto always wants to be part of the action.
When it came to carriers (we used the Ergo and Sakura Bloom Scout), Holden would sleep in there for a few hours as a baby. While I don’t love baby wearing because they make my neck and back sore and promote chronic, repetitive positioning for you and baby, it was a handy option, emphasis on handy.
Otto can sense immediately if he’s entering baby wearing zone and wake up, protesting noisily. He also wouldn’t sleep longer than about 30 minutes by himself for daytime naps. So, for many months, Max or I held Otto while he slept, or pushed him in the stroller, sometimes for hours until he started napping on his own (on the magic futon).
Otto in his favorite sleep nook.
The number one thing you need after having another baby (or any baby at all) is support.
The second thing you need is an understanding that every baby is different; a lesson I’m still learning. Ideally, for the first six months or so, you’ll have help most days or your older child will go to school. This time around, you don’t need gear, you need more hands. There is more laundry, more needs of your energy and time and a toddler constantly asking for snacks and waking up the baby.
Transitioning from one to two babies versus zero to one babies was so much harder for me and without help from Max, Bob and my mom I would have struggled immensely. Otto is 8-months-old and we’re finding our groove. I’m not anxious when left alone with both boys for a few hours. Their afternoon naps overlap, giving us a few sacred hours of quiet and my brain feels clear again as the fog that settles in during those first few months with a new baby lifts. So, here, I’ll present my updated list of essentials for baby #2.
HELPING HANDS
As discussed above, support is the ultimate essential. It can come from so many places—partners, grandparents, friends, neighbors, postpartum doulas, your older brother who lives you with who has Down syndrome, occasionally the cats, chickens or a dog. Hopefully, in the very near future our culture catches up to the rest of the developed world and supports families by providing flexible work schedules for parents, longer paid parental leave, and subsidized or free childcare. Until then, we have to fight for these changes and also prepare to raise children in a country that provides either dismal or no support to families.
Alone Time
You need more time to take care of yourself with two kids (or more). Paradoxically, there is way less time in the day to actually do this, but if I can get out for a solo hike in nature, or take a bath or shower occasionally without company, those moments add up and result in a more patient and present version of me, which is better for everyone.
Time-consuming activities for the toddler
I bought this nutcracker and almonds and walnuts in their shells and Holden spends a lot of time on this snacktivity which accomplishes two major goals: keeping him occupied and eating healthy snacks. However, he now prefers to use his mallet to break open the shells, which is, sadly, more efficient. My sister-in-laws’ parents also got him a KiwiCo subscription box, which he loves, and he has many jobs he likes to do like bringing the trash out, collecting chicken eggs, planting seeds, watering the garden, and playing with puzzles.
A kid-friendly environment
When you have two (or more) kids, sometimes you need to go upstairs to change a diaper or set down the baby to comfort the toddler who fell down and skinned his hands and knees for the 5th time that day. Minimizing our belongings, continually reassessing our environment for safety, and keeping things hidden and out of reach or locked away that are dangerous is the key to necessary moments of independence. Our beds are on the floor, our kitchen table is low so we sit around it on pillows to eat, the yard is fenced in, minimal furniture like bookshelves are fastened to the wall, and gates on the stairs are kept closed now that Otto is crawling.
Massages and Rolfing
You get to lay down and close your eyes with no interruptions while someone rubs your body. What could be better?
A Good Vacuum
When Otto was fussy or unsettled, nothing in this world worked as well as vacuuming the floors, which for the first few months of his life were disturbingly clean. We use this one.
ZIP UP ONESIES
My mom showed up with these zip-up onesies and I swore off buttons and snaps forever—or at least until the baby gets bigger. One of my favorite authors, Bess Kalb, said it best in this tweet:
I’d love to hear in the comments about your essentials for baby number two (or beyond)!
How to Grow a Baby: A Science-Based Guide to Nurturing New Life, from Pregnancy to Childbirth and Beyond is coming September 21, 2021. Click here to pre-order now!