10 Life Lessons From My Brother with Down syndrome
Bob is my brother, he has Down syndrome and he’s teaching Holden some of life’s most important lessons about taking care of each other and the world.
When uncle Bob wakes up in the morning, he quietly climbs over the baby gate so he doesn’t wake up his nephew, Holden, then he clomps downstairs and grinds the coffee. No one can quite grind the coffee like Bob. His cadence, patience and persistence always end up making the morning cup of joe taste that much better.
He hears a sound upstairs. It’s Holden running to Bob’s room, looking for his favorite person and yelling “BOB! BOB! BOB!” “Holdeeeeeeeeeen!” Bob responds and stomps upstairs. “Good morning sir, good morning Holdeen, love you, missed you Holdeen, Holdeen do you want some waffles?”
Bob is my brother and he lives with me, my husband, Max, and our son, Holden. Bob has Down syndrome and he has a lot of nicknames including Bobocado, Bobbinhood, and most recently with the addition of a baby to the household, Bobdoula. His real name isn’t even Bob, it’s Andrew, but he adopted the name Bob Hammer when Max became his official host home provider, a state-regulated care-taking role for those who need extra support.
Holden was aware early on that Bob was different than anyone he’d ever met. He started stealing Bob’s glasses when he was four months old and his first word was BOB! It’s still his favorite word, other than mama. He and Bob sit together and play and Bob always shares with Holden. They have their own call and response language. Bob is like a big brother, but remarkably gentle and patient without his own agenda. Recently, Max and I were asked if we thought Bob would impact Holden’s language development and if Holden was adopting any “Bobisms” like humming. It encouraged us to come up with this list of the ways Bob’s presence in Holden’s upbringing is impacting him.
Bob loves Holden, Holden loves Bob. The relationship between Bob and Holden is truly special, a wonder to observe and witness. Children who grow up with unconditional love experience physical and mental well-being, they are well-rounded, less timid, and have improved memory and brain development.
Bob loves helping out and doesn’t complain. Holden noticed Bob hanging laundry on the clothesline, vacuuming, sweeping and taking the compost out with joy early on and now he “helps” him with his chores. Bob thoroughly enjoys his jobs and values hard work, a lifelong lesson we all hope our children learn.
Bob loves the great outdoors. Bob is happiest when he’s walking, hiking, climbing or running. He also loves hanging out in the garden and helping out with the chickens and garden harvest, especially apples. We take care of what we love and Bob is helping us teach Holden the importance of taking care of the world in which we live.
Bob is different, and that’s ok. From an early age, Holden knew Bob was different. He isn’t afraid of Bob or scared to interact and play with him. We all do better when we meet people who look or act differently than us with an open mind and willingness to engage and connect. When we look for what we have in common instead of what separates us, we are able to find common ground and a shared language, an imperative gift in our divisive world.
Bob is a silly goose. Holden and Bob like to make animal sounds and they know the value of a sense of humor and play. Playing and humor build creativity, imagination, resilience, and physical strength. We learn how to interact with the world through play, and how to survive it through humor.
Bob is kind and patient. At his core, Bob is a kind, gentle man. Bob doesn’t yell or fight and sometimes he needs protecting. Holden is learning the importance of patience and kindness and for standing up for those you love.
Bob loves animals and they love him. Bob gives our cats fresh water and food every day and they often sleep in his bed. He loves his dogs and takes them out for pee walks. Holden is learning how to interact with other animals and take care of them, a lesson that allows us to see our connection to other animals and feel a sense of place in the world.
Bob is a damn champion. Bob has overcome so many challenges and obstacles. The guy was the first person with Down syndrome to climb the Grand Teton in Jackson, WY, a 13,776 foot high climb with 7,000 feet of elevation gain. He skis, rides bikes, hikes, swims, sings, dances, jogs with his daddy, rides horses with his mommom, cleans up pinecones and jumps on the trampoline with his brother Nick, Aunt Mari and their kids, River and Nova. He keeps going even when the going gets hard.
Bob loves sardines and all kinds of foods. Kids can be picky eaters, but Holden is more likely to try new foods when his uncle Bob is eating them. They’ll sit in the garden together and eat greens and Bob is teaching Holden that healthy food is delicious.
Bob loves his family. Above all else, Bob loves his family. He takes care of us, loves us, brings us glasses of water and enjoys family time more than anything in the world. We are all lucky to learn life’s most important lessons from uncle Bob.
Insta-Bob @andrewbobhammer
Max is currently wrapping up Ducky Goes Up, a movie about Bob for Bob and the Down syndrome community and you! Check out the successful Kickstarter and enjoy a quick flick starring the man Bobocado himself! The film will arrive 2020, stay tuned!
I created Happy Belly: A Bobocado Cookbook for the Ducky Goes Up Kickstarter and it’s for sale on this site. I developed 10 healthy recipes and took photos, and Michelle Lassaline did all of the illustrations. It is a beautiful book to behold and I think you’ll enjoy it.